Reflecting on Growth and connection
2024 was a weird year for me when it came to the dogs.
I came into 2024 really focused on making my business better, being able to help more tired, ill or disabled pet guardians. Hoping to pave the way for more owners to receive genuine help that’s tailored to them, and keeping their dogs wellbeing and wants in thought.
Then Pepper went and got the big ‘C’.
I’d never felt so broken, and I’ve had a lot of bad news in my life, I’m not ill accustomed to having those feelings. But this was new… anticipatory grief? I was confused, muddled, everything felt so heavy and the worst of it, Pepper wouldn’t comfort me and Mike through our tears as she usually would, did she know more?
More she did know indeed!
Pepper’s aloofness when it came to me having big feelings about her diagnosis and upcoming surgery led me back to an old friend for help. The last time I had an issue where I was stuck and nothing was pushing past that barrier of frustration I had about not knowing, she was there to guide Pepper and I. Rachel Knott of My Animal Matters, Animal Communicator and Botanical Self Selection Practitioner; that’s who we called upon for some deeper understanding.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, really Demi, I thought you were science based? I AM!
But all good scientists know to keep looking, search that hypothesis, what about this way or that way; I love information and the different feelings that come along with the discovery of something new and helpful.
During our animal communication session, Pepper revealed she wasn’t too bothered about the diagnosis because she’ll be fine; she was actually more interested in what Mike and I would be up to while she was having surgery, and if she could hang out closer to the cats in the recovery room rather than the dogs. Rachel described Pepper as fizzy, and the fact that Pepper thinks she looks hella cool wearing her muzzle out and about.
The communication session allowed us to feel like we had a plan on surgery day, everything went uh-may-zing and her recovery felt easier than it should have been, all because the patient herself was included in the conversation. The vet staff loved her and her check ups went great.
Her cancerous lump turned out to be a grade 3 carcinoma, they removed as much excess tissue as they could (including 2 whole mammary glands) and we we’re delighted with the news of no spread. Phew!
In June, we said goodbye to my old boy, Boots. 17 years of life lived to its fullest as only a terrier could. He lived an extra 8 years with kidney disease, helping raise 2 spaniels in his terrier charms, got me through secondary school without my mum throwing me in the bin (lol, she loves me now but teenage Demi had a lot of unresolved trauma that was coming out in aggression, does that mirror anyone else I talk about 👀.)
My mum and I made the call, and arranged his cremation the same day. We were very lucky and the Coton Meadows Animal Cremation Team were lovely and accommodating. The stages of grief for such a wonderful unicorn of a dog are odd, he will be entirely missed. No more connection seeking grunts as he seeks out the last dregs of your teacup, no more thud as he throws himself off the bed to check who’s walked through the front door. But I feel the echo’s of him, a brush of his cold nose as I walk onto the living room when I go visit my mum and Clem, his little orange face whenever I visit the beach, whenever I eat imperial mints as my nan used to love sharing them with him. It’s in the whispers and echo’s that they’re still guiding us and I’ll never stop listening.
During Christmas dinner, for the first time in 8 years, we heard a ‘Boots’ noise come out of Pepper, the tell tale grunt of a “Are you not sharing?” I’d like to think it was them both communicating, Christmas is always a time to check in on family after all.
I then passed my Bronze Good Citizen with Clementine, for a dog that wasn’t planned, our aim was just to let her grow, mature and keep her safe. She’s become a wonderful dog to learn from. She’s sensitive but bold, she’s fast but tries to make herself little, but will bop you if you cross that line she so obviously drew in the sand. I wanted to have a go and just see if we could! And we did!
No pressure, just seeing if we could have a nice time together and perhaps achieve something, which we did.
Then came the second lump.
We still don’t quite know what happened, it came back from lumpectomy as mutated cells but not cancer, not not cancer. But Pepper flew through her second surgery like a champ.
She genuinely became friends with Dr James, and she loved the fact she got new options for her own botanicals box. I now treat her to a new one every month. Dandelion and Frankincense are always a hit.
So what’s the round up? What have I learnt from my dogs this year?
Pepper – Prepare for the future but live in the moment, tomorrow has yet to come so why worry?
Boots – When they’re ready to go they will tell you. Boots gave us his collar, I wasn’t looking for a sign, it backhand slapped me in the face the way he was ready to face his transition.
Clementine – Love kind and love fiercely.
I hope your own animals have given you some insight this past year. I for one am interested in what other lessons they bring forward. Each and every individual dog I work with teaches me something. Ego doesn’t belong in teaching, that’s why they’re so good at it.
I aim to teach you as our dogs teach us, egoless, kindly and with truth.